Connected Parenting

Things have been very insane lately, such that I’m not sure how some people can juggle as much as they do and its had me rethinking my parenting style and career choice.  I am a stay at home mom with a daycare and yet I feel like I have no time for my own family.  My eldest daughter has been feeling very left out and has voiced it (as well as had many outbursts of rudeness) and my youngest has fought almost non stop with the 2.5 year old girl in my care.  It has left me drained, the house a mess and no one is happy.

Searching for help I’ve turned to a book found at my local library called Connected Parenting by Kolari.  It has helped a bit when I actually remember to use her technique, which she calls mirroring.  You basically mirror your child’s emotions and speak as if your in their shoes, once they’ve calmed down you can discuss consequences etc.  She recommends not devaluing their emotion even when the situation isn’t really important in our eyes (i.e. a younger child has knocked over their tower).

As I’ve mentioned my eldest has been pretty moody and unhappy and this book suggests perhaps I’ve given her too much freedom since I haven’t been taking the time to set the rules (as I’ve been splitting up the others fighting and attempted to keep the house running).

Here is an excerpt which has helped me;

“Children are happier and in a better mood and enjoy life more when their world is organized for them and they don’t have too much power.  When they don’t know what the limits are they are more likely to be miserable, ungrateful, testy and most important unhappy.’ p115

Anyhow, I will keep on trying.  Chores will have to wait and quality play time whenever it can be had will have to do.  I usually find when the girls are acting up its due to a need for more attention.

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